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[28 Jun 2005|02:29pm] |
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silence. |
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i wish sooo much that things were different. i do and i don't. i want things to be different, in the sense that they'd be more evolved and developed and committed. but i love how things are. i'm so happy with the smallest things right now. i don't know if i'd want to let all of the excitement and possibilities go and become bored with an everyday comfort. an everyday thing.
i wish i could change feelings. that would be too perfect. if i could make him fall in love with me, like i love him. or at least make him feel for me like he used to. or i wish i could love someone who has interest in me right now, if anyone does. things would be so much easier if feelings were more controllable. not knowing can be the best and the worst. and being alone can be more wearing than working on a troubled relationship. being alone can be the scariest thing in the world. doing it for essentially almost 20 years has been a chore...
i want him and nothing/no one else. it's been _ years. a long fucking time. most of my teenage years. i can't even believe it. time has gone by soo fast. so painfully fast and i worry so much about all the things and people i could have possibly missed out on in these years, by staying put. staying put unintentionally because i'm a fucking idiot who things with her heart and prays for the day he'll do the same. i've become too comfortable in this situation of nothing, with potential something. i love our time together too much. the couple of weeks in between when i last saw him and when i'll see him again just fly by, filled with dreams of what could possibly happen in our next encounter and the memories of our last. time is what ruined what could have been. we met at the wrong time when nothing was possible, and our attempt to try failed. if only i could bring us back to that place and let things run their course now, when they COULD and SHOULD. we could be so amazing...
we do the smallest stupidest things, and i couldn't be more content with them. they create the lamest inside jokes that make me smile. whatever comes of this, be it an end or a re-start, i have not one regret because i can't fathom being any happier than i am when i'm with him. i just hope someday someone will love me like i love him. and absolutely love all of my good qualities and find my flaws endearing and bearable. maybe that's too much to ask. maybe i give and love too much...
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| PEEEEEEEEECTURES |
[15 Apr 2004|06:16pm] |
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mew - am i wry? no |
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I'M ATTEMPTING A PICTURE POST CUZ I'VE NEVER DONE ONE BEFORE!!!! LOL.. IF IT DOESN'T WORK I'M SORRY CUZ I'M JUST THAT STUPID!!!!
( ME AND MY GIBBLER )
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[14 Apr 2004|06:22pm] |
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cauterize - if you go |
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I NEED EVERYONE'S OPINION!!!!!
i wanna get a tattoo, but i don't know where to get it!!!! i want it either on my lower back, cuz one thing i like about my body is my back dimple things hehe.. OR REALLLLLLLLY low on my hip, cuz that's just hotness and it'll be my little secret i share with a very select few, special people.. (just like a couple of my piercings haha) SO LET ME KNOW!!!! where do you guys think???
cuz i had a dream last night, and i got this really jagged little black flower tattoo, and it was awesome!!!
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[04 Apr 2004|06:37pm] |
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throooooooooone |
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this weekend ruled!!!!!
friday i had to work till 9, and i was planning on coming home and doing nothing cuz i was wicked tired, but kimi called me cuz she was by my house and wanted to see if i wanted to hang out, so she came over and we went and got friendly's.. even tho we didn't get waited on for the first 1/2 hour!!!! haha.. ANNOYING.. then we came back here and hung out and watched Dane Cook LoL.. SO FUCKING FUNNY!!!! he's hilarious.. watch for him on comedy central or get his dvd.. sooooo worth it haha. then it was like 3 AM, so i told her she could stay if she wanted and she was happy to cuz she didn't wanna drive home! haha.. so then saturday we woke up and had breakfast pizza mmmmm.. and she asked if i wantd to go to this guy timmy's show an di said yeah.. so we went to the mall and went shopping and got her nails done and stuff. i saw matt cuz he was working the ladies dressing room at hollister haha.. that was cool cuz i hadn't seen him OR talked to him in a while cuz he thinks he's too cool for me! haha.. oh well..
I WANT THE WHITE BIKINI FROM HOLLISTER!!!! actually i just want the top.. it was SO cute and almost flattering! but the bottoms weren't flattering haha.. and i am "bootylicious" if you'd like to call it that, so i don't need no skimpy bottoms haha.. iwa nan get that top and find a pair of white boyshort bottoms w/ a silver buckle on it w/ a white belt.. i can picture em, i just need to find em! haha.. if anyone sees em let me know!
so anyways, we went back to kimi's and got read yfor the show and went.. i'm not gonna lie... i don't like that kinda music, BUT she was happy so i was happy haha.. AND i met her friends cassie and stacee.. they were cool and stacee didn't like he music either, so we sat alone and rated people that walked by hahahaa.. it was just a joke tho. but this guy who walked by that we rated a 7 was like "7?? ARE YOU GUYS RATING PEOPLE?!??!" and we're like "umm..." and he goes "i've heard you guys sitting here shouting out numbers as people walk by.. that's horrible!" hahahaha.. but that's okay :-) twas fun!
then me and kimi and stacee went to a diner where stacee received brown lettuce LoL.. so funny.
then this morning we woke up and had french toast, and she brought me from my house to my work :-( and work sucked...
and i miss my kimi!!!!! soooooooo bad!!!!!!! haha it's wierd cuz for like 2 days i had her to talk to whenever i wanted to!!! now i'm like.. lonely cuz no one wants to listen to me or hear me say "SPAGHETTI BASKET!!!!" LoL
BUT we're hanging out next saturday and i'm glad :-) she's one of the few.. if only.. chicks i can depend on to keep plans with and i appreciate that cuz so many people suck and just ditch u last minute or.. even not last minute it still sucks to be ditched haha...
ALSO.. when kimi was here on friday night, i found out a little piece of info that i found rather annoying/amusing. man oh man do people piss me off haha.. they hide things and think i won't find out, and i don't know if they keep it from me for some reason or if it's on purpose, but this one as do many other incidents seem fuckin sneaky as hell and wicked gay!!!! just be honest cuz what i found out, i raelly couldn't give a fuck less about. just don't like that it seemed like it was kept from me. not even gonna bring it up to them cuz it's not worth it but it DOES suck for them! hahaha cuz it's somethign that normally i wouldn't have found out,b ut i got a random im annnnd BUSTED!!! funny stuff.
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[15 Feb 2004|09:02pm] |
okay.. so i just came up with this joke about valentine's day.. well.. MYYYY valentine's day. HERE GOES!!!!!
WHAT'S WORSE THAN NOT BEING WITH THE GUY YOU LIKE ON VALENTINE'S DAY???
NOT BEING WITH THE GUY YOU LIKE ANY DAYS BEFORE OR AFTER VALENTINE'S DAY EITHER, CUZ HE DOESN'T WANT YOUR SORRY ASS!!!!!!!!!!!!!
hahahahahahhahahahahhahahhaa.. i crack myself up! LoL
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[02 Feb 2004|06:47am] |
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incubus - here in my room |
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::sings:: HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOUUUUUUU.. HAPPY BIRTHDAY TOOO YOOOUUUU.. HAPPY BIRTHDAY DEAR KRISSTEEENNN... HAPPY BIRRTHDAYYY TOOOOO YOUUUUUUUUU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! YaYYYY!!!!!!!!!!
well.. today is one of my VERY most best friends birthdays!!! kristen sadowski turns 23 today!!!! WOOHOO!!!!!!! for those of you who don't know her.. you suck. and p.s. it's your loss!!!! cuz she's the best.. and she rocks. and it's really early right now, so i am having difficulty not only thinking of things to say, but typing them as well.. but yeah.. she's great and anyone who can't see that is blind.. and deserves to be pelted with olives.
my kristen is a gorgeous mama... she's pretty, funny, sweet, caring, ALWAYS ALWAYS ALWAYS there for me, blast to be around, and just an all around awesome chick.. and i hate girls!!!!! so i hope today makes you smile, sweetheart. cuz you don't deserve to be sad!!! forget all the people who suck, cuz it's their loss that they're too blind to see what they're missing out on. just remember to be yourself, and you'll attract people as always just by doing that!!!!!
this is the most un-flowy thing i've ever written, so i appologize. i just wanted to be the first one to say it. and i am. and it sounds shitty =( i suck at life i'm gonna go kill myself now...
HA! just kidding.. sorry to get your hopes up.. ANYWAYSSSS....
HAPPY BIRTHDAY YOU SEXY, SEXY PIECE OF MAMA!!!!!!!!! I LOVE YOU MORE THAN LIFE AND I DUNNO WHAT I'D DO WITHOUT YOU!!!!!
:-* :-* :-* MWA MWA MWA!!!!!!!
i hope you have the most wonderful day.. i'll call your ass later cuz i'm home sick all day!
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